Savoring Every Moment

I have been thinking a lot since Evan has been born about how I view time. I had a habit for most of my life of "wishing time away." What I mean by that is I would always be looking to the next event rather than focusing on the present. When I was 9 I wanted to be 10, when I was 12 I wanted to be 13, when I was in high school I wanted to be in college, when I was in college I wanted to be in a real job, when I was dating I wanted to be married, etc.

I think you get the point.

I was never satisfied with my life as it currently was. When I reached 29, I began to see that I wasn't going to make all of those "some days" happen. I was not able to keep reaching for everything that I didn't have without missing out on what I had already been blessed with.

The potential for whiling time away grew exponentially with Evan's birth. Not only could I wish away my own life, I could also wish away the life of my child. If only he could talk, walk, use the bathroom on his own, bath himself, drive.

I could wake up one day and not only have missed out on my entire life, but also on the life of my family.

Now I hardly like to think much past today and definitely not past this week. It scares me how fast time has already gone in my life and in Evan's short life thus far. I don't want to miss a single precious moment wishing for "some day". I don't want to miss a single opportunity to teach Evan, to comfort him when he's upset, to snuggle him and love him. I don't want to miss a single "first time" or sweet smile.

I don't want to miss my life.